soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize