I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
