I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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