Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
