dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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