Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
