I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
