Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
