i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
