U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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