she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
