You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
