I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
