I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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