i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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