my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
