I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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