I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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