i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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