batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
