He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
