Hey man sorry I got all grabby
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
