oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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