More tranny stories later!
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
