Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
