the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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