it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I cannot find my penis.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
