I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm having to shit out rocks
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
