my sisters under your porch take her home
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
