She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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