My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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