How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize