He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
