grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize