I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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