he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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