Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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