Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
