Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
