do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
