i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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