I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
