Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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