Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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