so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
