I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
