It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
