All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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