i barfeds in our rink
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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