I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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