just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
