its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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