I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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