i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
