if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i would punch a child for taco bell
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
