I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
