i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
