You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize