woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
