i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
