I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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