i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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