Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
