I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Farmville is her only friend.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
