so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
