great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
