how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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