You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize