You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
