I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
