Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
