2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
