It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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