I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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