The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
