can we get nightvision for the apartment?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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