I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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