i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
