Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
