I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
