I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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