You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
