You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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