so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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