I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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