we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The uberlube is also flammable
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
