I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
