Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
