smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
