I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
