ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
