Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize