they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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