dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
