im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
