Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
