Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
