on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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