I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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