I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
