its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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